THE SITE HAS MOVED

Thank you to all who continue to visit my blog.

The site has now moved to its new home at www.seanraposo.com

I hope you will all continue to join in with the conversation

Conversation Holders

Up until about two years ago, I was a client at a children’s dentist office. Well, the Dentist had adult clients, but his office was designed to attract a younger clientele. How did I know? I think the McDonalds Drive-Thru play set or the posters with the hidden toothbrushes were evidence enough. It got to a point when I realized it was time for me to make new friends.

While I knew I wouldn’t miss the old posters, I didn’t think I would miss the conversation. The dental hygienists who worked there knew me. With each visit we would share stories about my first visit or how I never had any cavities. When I changed dentist offices, what I neglected to realize was that the conversations would change as well.

I acknowledge that keeping good conversation is a tough thing to do, and as I stepped foot in my new dental office for the very first time, I was prepared for a new adventure. As I sat in the waiting room, I began to wonder if they had space for a play set or some building blocks. What I found were walls covered with smiling faces and statistics about the, “Rise of Gum Disease.”

It wasn’t long before the hygienist came out to the lobby and called me into the back room. I wasn’t surprised to see that the walls were bare. I sat down and they began to work on cleaning my teeth. The silence was unbearable. Normally, I don’t think about the amount of metal they have scraping in my mouth when I am asked questions about life, family or work. But on this day, my hygienist kept talking about what she had packed for her lunch. I kept thinking, “Can this be real?” Here I am lying in this chair (at your mercy) with three separate metal pieces jammed in my mouth, and all you can talk about is your lunch? Do you not realize that after I leave I am not even allowed to eat?

I left with more than just a pain in my mouth, but in my heart as well – had I made the right decision?

I decided that I couldn’t let one bad experience keep me away. Upon my return several months later, I had the pleasure of keeping conversation with a new hygienist. From the first moment we met, I could tell she was a veteran. She had a sweet disposition and knew when to allow for breaks in the conversation so I could offer my insight as well. We shared stories about National and International affairs, our families, friends, education, etc. During all the conversation I started to forget that I was even in the dental office.

As we chatted, I began to wonder if the reason why she had so much to talk about was due to the fact that she was recycling old stories.

From that thought alone, my mind began to develop a question about all these people who are Conversation Holders in our lives. Does the person who cuts our hair tell recycled stories, how about the family doctor or the guy who cleans the officeat work? Are our conversations special? Or, are they just some regurgitated routine that they carry out with everyone they see?

It was at this moment when I remembered a conversation I had with a young optometrist. She told me about how when she was at school that “having conversations” was a course they had to take. She would sit there and watch as a number of her classmates went through the process of inviting a new patient into their office. As they carried out a mix of “small talk” and “professional jargon” she told me that a small number of the students appeared to lack basic social skills and how they would often refer to the “practice script” in the course text for guidance. “It was robotic and unnatural,” she told me. Can conversations be scripted?

Then I began to think about the guy who cuts my hair, Nico. He has often told me that being a Hair Stylist has to be one of the most interesting jobs in the world. On any given day, someone new could come into your salon and he continued to explain that it’s always a good idea to be up to date on everything because you never know what people might want to talk about.

When I go to see Nico, anything is possible. The last time I was there our conversation consisted of interesting uses of the English language. For example, why is it that a shipment travels by car, but cargo travels by a ship? Or, when you stand up, where does you lap go? Is a laptop still a laptop when you use it on a table? Why do we park on our driveways and drive on parkways? Needless to say, I thoroughly enjoy the conversation that occurs when I get my haircut.

While conversations occur everyday, they are not always easy to carry out. Is it possible that stories get recycled? Of course. I’ll never know if people recycle the same story over and over, but what I do know is that conversation is a two way street. If you think may be headed in the wrong direction, it’s perfectly natural to change the course.

Saturday Night Thought Session: To Live and to Laugh

As we sat here on a Saturday evening, we began talking about times we have laughed uncontrollably. My friend began describing a story where during one of the scenes in a recent movie he was watching he commenced to break out in a fit of laughter. The movie set off a chain reaction in his brain and led him to share it with us in conversation.

The following is a list of points that transpired:

• The urge to laugh.
• Laughing when you shouldn't.
• The outside factors and the inside factors.
• Telling something is never as funny when you retell it.
• You often struggle to laugh at the story again.
• Laughing, but not laughing as hard about it.
• That intense pleasure is lost.
• You never know when it will come back again, but never force it.
• If you really think about it, is it really all that easy to create incontrollable laughter.

*Inclusivity is the key. The setting literally "sets the stage" for the future memory.

The People We'll Meet

Growing up in the Catholic school system, I knew that when I graduated from teachers college that I would return back to the school board I once called home and offer the children there the same kind of guidance I was offered growing up.

While I believe I understand the morals and teachings behind faith – sometimes the hardest part is being an active member of the church community. You can imagine my worries when I found out that I needed a letter of recommendation from a priest before my application would even be considered at the board. I was going to need to book an appointment with a priest.

But, what kind of conversation do you have with a priest?

I began playing over the possible questions in my head. Do you attend church weekly? How often do you pray? What would you say your relationship with God is like? I was worried.

My Dad had given me a heads-up about the man I was about to talk with, “He’s kind of an introvert.” Great. An introverted priest – just my luck.

First impressions are an interesting thing (something I will ask you to keep in your mind for later) and Father John was an interesting character to say the least. He welcomed me into his office – or what looked like an office. There were papers all over the desk and open boxes with files everywhere. I started wondering how he kept track of anything in his office. But, as they say, looks can be deceiving.

I quickly began to realize that Father John wasn’t an introvert at all – he was actually an intellectual. The moment I told him I was a media studies graduate, he began asking me questions about Neil Postman and his book Amusing Ourselves to Death. Could Father John be for real? It was an interesting coincidence because I actually happened to have Postman’s book in my car and was reading it before our conversation.

Suddenly, the phone rang and our conversation was paused for a moment. I started to look around his office again when I began noticing things I hadn’t before. His book shelves were filled with books on a number of topics, the tops of the shelves were filled with lovely little cards from people in the community and amongst the papers were other tiny widgets and keepsakes that I can imagine only a priest would keep.

When Father John was off the phone, I began looking at him in a new light. We talked about his time in the Amazon, what it was like to visit Rome, how teaching is a calling and how I shouldn’t settle for anything but the best in life. I must have been in his office for over an hour when we finally decided to part ways.

While my interview with the board went well in 2010, there wasn’t any room for new teachers and I was forced to reapply. Fortunately, this meant another conversation with Father John. I was excited to step back into his office and share my stories. His office looked exactly the same – it was a complete mess! But, the man behind the desk was happy as ever as we began talking about writing and his secret passion for book clubs.

I had the opportunity to ask him questions about people, life, how to go about being the best possible listener and what to do when people come to you for help.

Remember earlier when I alluded to first impressions? After I asked Father John about how to respond to people who come to you for help, he began talking about a good friend of his (who is also a priest), but who is also his exact opposite. Father John talked about his friend’s ability to look at someone without any judgment whatsoever – I wouldn’t have expected anything less from a priest. But, what I found interesting was that Father John admitted that, at times, he struggles to see past what is on the outside and really focus in on what he can do to help the people who come to visit him. The man is always striving to be better.

He told me that teaching, like being in the priesthood, is about creating a channel for communication with people and, well, God. It was interesting to hear Father John speak as he continued to explain his faults and how he is always working with people trying to understand why they have been put in his life and how he can help them.

I found this conversation, about a year and a half after our first meeting, rather interesting because I was that person. I was the guy who was thinking to himself, “What can I learn from this introverted priest?” But, with each passing day I am starting to truly believe that everything happens for a reason. The people we meet, the stories we hear and the roads we travel are all leading up to something greater than ourselves.

Would I have learned the same lesson if I had avoided meeting with Father John? I’m not really sure. But, the powers that be have an interesting way of teaching lessons.

On the Good and Bad

Why enjoy anything at all? As I sat at my desk on this Tuesday morning I listened to the explanation as to why you shouldn’t enjoy too much happiness - I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. “Never get too excited. This way you’ll never feel too sad when the bad happens.” As I run through the logic I really can’t help but think that it makes a little bit of sense.

Our lives are the ultimate stage. As the protagonist, we will experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. The good feels good and the bad, undoubtedly the worse of the two, feels bad. Why not live out life at a medium?

This is the beauty of conversation. For a fleeting moment, you are presented with the opportunity to, as they say, walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. You get the chance to peer into the psyche of the other and see what life is like for someone else.

I wrestled with this story for weeks. The irony of my own life has put the themes it conveys into an interesting perspective and after much deliberation, and some light reading, I have decided to share my thoughts on the topic.

First you have to ask yourself a question: Is life pre-determined by fate? Or, are we in control of our own destinies?

As a fan of the Matrix, I like to think like Neo. I am in control of my destiny. My action, or lack there of, will determine my future. But, my philosophical side continues to weigh in on my judgment. I often find myself wrestling with the line, “Everything in life happens for a reason.” The people we meet, the roads we travel and the decisions we make, at times, can be linked together into one elaborate story that not even the best team of writers could make into a movie.

For instance, two years ago around this time I was visiting North Bay, Ontario. I had made the four-hour journey to meet up with the soccer coach and practice with some of the boys on the team. At the practice I met a few people, but none more memorable than my future roommate and current close friend. The interesting thing is, he was from Brampton as well and had made the journey for the same reasons I had. To him, friends are family and throughout the year I had the opportunity to meet quite a few members of his extended family. One in particular was a few months away from making a personal journey of his own and as we began to share stories with one another we realized we both shared a passion for reading. Without hesitation, he commenced suggesting titles I should read and I took my time seeking them out, but as fate would have it I opened one a few weeks ago and began reading.

The book is titled, “How We Decide” by Jonah Lehrer and within the first 100 pages or so I had stumbled across the answer I was looking for – humans are emotional creatures. Whether we are interested in admitting it or not, the decisions we make in life are heavily related to how they will make us feel and how similar decisions in the past have made us feel.

Why shouldn’t we enjoy happiness? Is it because past experience has taught us that feeling good can’t last? Is it because we know that life’s bad can come sweeping in without warning and bring our lives to a crashing halt?

Why not take in everything? The good and the bad. As we go through our experiences and continue to make decisions we continue to learn and grow. While we can capture moments of our lives in the forms of pictures or memories, we can’t pause it – or slow it down. As much as the bad hurts, it’s important to remember that life will continue to move forward and every experience in life serves a purpose.

The bad is dark and dismal, but just like how the good can turn bad at a moments notice – life will also provide us with the opportunity to turn bad into good just as quickly.

We only have one life to live – take in everything.

Skipping Days... Literally

During my years at University I used to spend my summer working in a medical supply warehouse. The job wasn’t the greatest, but I needed to make money to go to school and there weren’t many other options. I loved Fridays at the warehouse. People who were regularly introverted and doldrum came alive at the end of the week. I will never forget the day when I approached one of my fellow employees and after I had shared about how happy I was to know it was the end of the week he replied with, “Friday is the saddest day for me.”

I was surprised and slightly taken back. I did the next logical thing and decided to ask him why Friday made him so upset, to which he replied, “Because a whole weekend has to go by before I get to see all your faces again.” We shared a Friday laugh and went back to finishing our work.

To this day, the question, “What’s your favourite day of the week?” is a popular way to start a conversation with all different sorts of people. I usually respond with either Friday or Saturday. I mean, what isn’t there to like about these days? On a Friday, you still have to go to work, but everyone is happy and chipper. Most times a Friday is over and done with before you know it. When work is done you’re free to make whatever plans you like because everyone knows they get to sleep in. The more I think about it I wonder - what isn’t there to like about Saturday? You get to sleep in, you get to make your own schedule for the day and if you don’t want to do anything – you don’t have to. Saturday is for sitting and relaxing – hence the “Sat” in Saturday.

You can imagine my surprise the other day when one of my students told me Monday was his favourite day of the week. “Monday!?” I replied, “Are you crazy?” The more we talked about it – the more it made sense to me. What’s really the difference between Saturday and Tuesday? On Tuesdays, we wake up, go to work, come home, spend time with our family/friends and head to bed so we can do it again tomorrow. On Saturdays, we wake up, (if we aren’t lazy) we do the work at home we weren’t able to do during the week, spend time at home, visit friends/family and head to bed. After hearing his thoughts the only difference I could find between the two days was that we get paid for weekday work.


It was an interesting argument, to say the least. I am not sure if I would trade my Friday or Saturday for a Monday, but I think his thoughts about life never stopping for a weekend was well put.
It reminded me of another conversation I had several weeks earlier. A friend and I were talking about the winter and how many people often wish they could fast-forwarded the months and enjoy the spring/summer months forever. What we found interesting was that these were also the people who would frequently talk about how the days and months seem to fly by and wished they had more time.

Life is about enjoying each day for what it is. May it be a mundane Monday or a fantastic Friday – they all serve a purpose in our life. Whatever that purpose may be – it won’t be found in fast-forward - remember to press play.

Hard Lessons: A Writer's Reality

Being a graduate of a media studies program I always thought I knew a lot about the field. I like to read non-fiction books from the media studies section, I follow media/tech blogs, I study up on media education teaching strategies and dabble at writing my own media/new media/media education blog articles.

Somewhere inside me I can hear the old saying, “Those who think they know everything, really know nothing.” I wouldn’t say that I know a lot about the media or new media (especially since it is always changing). But, I would like to think that I would hold my own in a general conversation about the topic. Of course, like any good story, life has an interesting way of bringing things into perspective.

A couple of months back I spent some time volunteering at a local elementary school. The teacher of the class is an old teacher of mine and she will often give me the opportunity to gather some experience in her classroom. On this particular day, I had the chance to talk with the class about “Online Safety” and the dangers of social networks. Without getting too much into detail the moral of my lesson was, while social networks are great for keeping in touch with family and friends they are also equally dangerous due to fake accounts/cyber bullying/etc. (For each good there is an exact opposite bad)

I remember the scared looks on their little faces. Perhaps I should have practiced my speech on another audience to censor my material? At the end of the day, I think the talk was good for them and a lot of the students were able to come up with some really good questions about the topic. If only I could have heeded my own warning.

I alluded to new media article writing earlier in this post (If you haven’t checked it yet - The New Media) and a few weeks ago I wrote an article titled “The Modern Panopticon.” I was really excited about this post and spent a lot of time trying to fit my argument together. Without going into too much detail, I was trying to establish our modern day online/tech savvy society as a mix of Orwell’s 1984, Huxley’s Brave New World, with a twist of Bentham’s Panopticon prison model and Facebook’s self-monitoring themes. In my opinion, the article came out really well and I was anxious to post it.

For those of you who have followed this blog for sometime know how much I appreciate all your comments and support. It is your comments that keep me motivated to keep writing. The same goes for my new media blog and within a couple of days I had received a comment from a user. The comment said, “Glib.”

Glib? What’s a glib? Is glib a noun? An acronym? I was lost. I decided to turn to the dictionary and this is what I found, “Lacking purpose or foresight.”

I was a little taken back – to say the least. I have never had anyone comment negatively on a blog article before. My mind began tracking back to the lecture I carried out with the grade school children, “for each good there is an exact opposite bad.” I have since called this my first case of “writer’s reality.” I have come to understand that not everyone is going to like what I write and may also feel comfortable expressing how he or she feel about it.

Since the comment I have heard back from the same user and learned a great deal. I realize that sometimes the negative comments serve just as important a purpose in writing as the positive comments do. This one user wasn’t afraid to tell me that they felt my thoughts lacked purpose and for that I am grateful. He or she reminded me that the public is a living/thinking audience that wants to be stimulated and isn’t afraid to be critical of the writer.

Writing, along with many other facets of life, is an ongoing learning process.

Insiders who are Willing

There was a time, a few months back, when I was ready to give up on the whole customer service industry. I was starting to loose faith in the ability of the Customer Service Representative (CSR) to actually help the customers. I was tired of CSRs telling me they didn’t have stock (when they didn’t check), talking on their phone (instead of helping the next person in line) and never being around when you need them.

I started to think, as we move forward into the 21st century, companies (in the sales industry) are working toward becoming more efficient about how they run their business. The first place management often looks to improve is their front lines. These are the people who orchestrate their sales and often spend most of the time doing nothing.

Therefore, to achieve the highest possible number of sales, why not eliminate the CSR altogether? Turn the whole CSR industry into something that no longer requires a middleman – get rid of the people.

The way I see it, I know exactly what I am looking for. The real question I need to ask myself is, “Where is it?” For example, last week I went shopping for a book at my local bookstore. Of course, since it was the week before Christmas, the whole store was filled with people. I began looking for an available kiosk to search for my book, and to my dismay they were all full. I walked back and forth waiting for one of the three I was hovering around to open up when a young CSR asked if she could help me out.

Something inside of me wanted to tell her no, but I was in no mood to refuse a helping hand. I didn’t think she would know what book I was looking for (she didn’t), but what she did know was invaluable – she knew where the unused computers were. I followed her through the twists and turns of the aisles and eventually we came to a quiet little corner where an open kiosk awaited our arrival. It didn’t take her long to type in the book I was looking for, and before I knew it I was out the door with book in-hand.

As I left the store I thought – I could have done that. There isn’t any special mystery behind finding where a book is on a computer. What I realized was, this young CSR, who was willing to help, had something I didn’t, the added knowledge about the store.

I overlooked the fact that not everyone is capable of guiding him or herself through a retail outlet. There is a whole set of people who require the “expertise” of a CSR to purchase what they are looking for. I love to use the Apple Store as a perfect example. This is a store that truly understands the power of good customer service. You walk in and the number of employees is almost equal to that of the number of customers. Someone is always available to help you. When you purchase something, all they do is bring up the items online and scroll you through their stock. Is this something you could do on your own? Of course. Is everyone capable of ordering stock online? Of course not. With a ratio of almost 1:1 customers are in and out in record time – completely satisfied.

For the time being, I suppose CSRs still serve a purpose. The next question is, how do we keep them performing at a high level to ensure customer satisfaction? When customers can’t help themselves, they need to be willing to go to the next level to ensure satisfaction. Whether or not this is possible, is a whole other post altogether.

Boxing Day Knock Outs

It’s December 22 and I can’t stop worrying about the things I still need to pick up before Christmas. Interestingly enough, at work today I was asked if I knew what I was going to buy on Boxing Day. “Boxing Day!” I replied, “I hardly know what I am going to bring to the Pot Luck tomorrow.” As we began talking about possible ideas I asked why Boxing Day was on his mind. “It’s my six year old,” he said, “She knows about the deals and she has been asking me about what we are going to buy.”

I can hardly imagine what I would do if I had kids. Six years old and she already knows the day after Christmas is associated with lower prices – a young consumer.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized his six-year-old daughter wasn’t the only one thinking about Boxing Day deals. A few nights ago I went to visit some friends and one of them was on their laptop looking at flyers for electronic stores. I won’t go into any details as to what companies he was interested in, but as the conversation continued I realized that “deal hunting” was a real skill. “The fliers are in the store, but customers can’t get a hold of them yet. So, I decided to search for them online,” he told me with a growing enthusiasm, “See, this company hasn’t updated their flyer, but this other one has and I like what I see.”

All this talk got me thinking about what types of industry would issue discounts on Boxing Day. First and foremost, there is electronics. Everyone wants them and with the product turnover rate it just makes sense to sell something at a “cheaper” price before the actual price of the product drops one month after Boxing Day. Grocery stores might also have some really good options on Boxing Day. Think about it, they bought a large variety of stock to supply the needs of Christmas and one day later they have an abundance of items that didn’t sell. What do you do? Lets have a sale. I was asked, “Why don’t car dealerships ever offer sales?” If you think about it, people will still want to buy cars even after Christmas and Boxing Day have come and gone. The car market is structured differently and new models aren’t made available on January 1st they have different release dates.

At the end of the day, listening to my friend with the six-year-old daughter made me feel like a juror hearing the final testimony from the defendant, “Boxing Day is a fun day where people rush around looking for deals – it’s contagious.”

When you wake up the morning of December 26th I want you to turn on your TV and find your local News channel and tell me if they are covering a story about people lining up in front of a store to get an awesome deal. You’ll probably even see an on the scene reporter who stops people on their way out to ask if they can check out what people purchased. It creates a spending frenzy. If this person on the news is getting a “great deal” why aren’t I? Before you know it you’ve hopped in your car and started making your way to the closest shopping centre.

At the end of the day, you really need to ask yourself, “Is there really a deal?” I remember when I used to work in retail. Boxing day was one of the busiest days of the year. We would often have people lining up out the store, but why? There wasn’t a deal – customers just assumed there was. Maybe there is a deal for the first 50 purchases or while quantity lasts, but at the end of the day – prices stay the same.

Who Eats Chicken Wings?

It’s cold; you’re hungry and looking for a place to go eat. You drum through the list of regular places: Italian? Pizza? Asian? None of these options are very appeasing. But, then it hits you! You remember a tip your best friend shared with you earlier in the week, “If you’re hungry, you should check out _____________ they have the best chicken wings in town.” You’ve made up your mind – you want wings.

Am I right when I say that the best places to eat are often hidden in the smallest of corners? You pull up to where you have been told to go and in a small corner of a small plaza you see a small sign that reads, “Best Wings in town! Don’t forget to try our Fat Girl sauce.” You sit down and a waitress brings you a menu. You don’t need to look at it because you already know exactly what you’re going to have.

As you sit there waiting you begin to wonder… What kind of person goes to a restaurant to eat chicken wings?

You start to look around and begin to notice details you hadn’t before. There are an assortment of TVs scattered throughout the room that are all tuned in to the same sporting event. The tables are all filled with a collection of people who all appear to be good friends. You begin to wonder would this be a good place for a first date? You look around and spot a few couples sitting at different tables and you begin to assess how long they have been dating for. The male is in track pants, a hooded sweater and is wearing a toque. His female counterpart has her hair tied back, is wearing glasses and a pair of old worn out jeans. Nothing about this couple says “first-date.”

As you look around, you notice that no one else is looking around. No one is hiding the mountain of napkins on their table or is embarrassed about the number of times they need to ask for a refill on their water because of their hot sauce. You don’t need to look too closely to realize eating chicken wings is not for the self-conscious.

Would we eat more chicken wings if we weren’t worried about how they made us look when we eat them? A large majority of us really enjoy eating wings, but they can be awkward to hold onto and make us look really messy.

At the end of the day, like any good thing in life, the timing has to be just right. It makes it easier to go and grab wings when we know the game is on, all our trusted friends will be there and the napkins are in ample supply.

Who eats chicken wings at a restaurant? We all do.

Having a Good One

When I was a young child, I would sit and listen to my parents and hang on their every word. I can remember asking, “What does that word mean?” or, “Why does it have to happen like that?” I can only imagine my parent’s thought process, as they were forced to find an answer that would suffice. A parent thinks carefully in these situations, knowing that their response will be carried with their child from that point forward.

As I grow older, I begin to find myself in the same conversational dilemma. As I work with students who are learning how to speak and write English, I am asked similar questions, “What does that word mean?” or, “Why do we say this like that?”

I am a big fan of teaching through conversation and like anything in life it is best to start at the beginning. We go over phrases like, “Good morning. How are you? What did you do last night?” It’s an ongoing process, but we steadily work our way through it.

At first, they are unsure about what to say, but over time, they become comfortable with the phrases and you can see the pride on their face as we talk with one another. I try my best to consciously think about what I say because I know if I say something out of the ordinary I will be asked to explain what I just said.

Of course you can’t be “on” forever and eventually I find myself in a situation where further explanation is required. To be honest, one of the best questions I was ever asked came from one of my students who is undergoing college preparation and already knows English.

We were finishing another day of classes when I said, “Have a good one.” I was received with a sideways glance and was asked, “Have a good one? What’s that?” I had never thought about it before. “It must be a Canadian thing,” she said as we went our separate ways. I began doing a little research and asked if anyone had heard the phrase before. Of course, a lot of them agreed that they have heard the phrase prior to me asking, but never really thought about the meaning behind it.

Having a good one. It’s obviously a good will statement. I guess the real question is, what does the one refer to? In true Canadian fashion, I believe we have found a way to wish someone well without having to refer to anything in specific. It’s a good-natured send off with a twist of modern day ease. It says, “I may not know everything about your day, but I want you to have a good one.”

The next time you say goodbye to someone – stop and think. You may not realize it, but this phrase may already be part of your spoken vernacular. As for me, I need to re-think my approach to spoken dialect. I am going to take things to another level. It’s all about encouraging social “positivism” – Be sure to have yourself a good TWO.

How Did I Get Here? Where am I Going?

How did I get here? As I sit here brainstorming I find myself thinking about this question. What choices led me to where I am presently? How do we find the time to balance our activities? How do we prioritize?

We make decisions everyday. Of course, some are easier to make than others and require no time at all to decide upon (Run or walk? Shirt or sweater? Walk or drive?). But, what about those decisions that need the extra attention? The decisions that will have a profound impact on our life and the lives of others around you – how do we go about answering those? When you break it down and really look back at it – all of our major decisions consist of several little decisions.

For example, one of the biggest decisions we will make in life is choosing the career we are looking for in life.

It begins in grade nine with a decision between academic or applied courses. Are you University or College bound? There is nothing wrong with either, but the choice will have a profound impact on your future. Then, when you reach the end of high school, you will make another choice: which University or College should I attend – if any at all? And, What program should I sign up for? This decision alone is the foundation to your future career – your life.

After another four years (a few more for you Doctors and Lawyers) and you find yourself with a degree in hand and another big question mark glooming over your head, “What now?” Just when you think you have broken free from tough decisions – another one presents itself.

I currently find myself looking for a career. But, what is a career? Isn’t it just a job? Or, is there a difference between the two?

When I think career, I think about working for a long period of time. A career is a commitment. A job reminds me of something I did back in high school. I kept random jobs here and there to get by (at that time in my life I made the decision to hang out with friends instead of working a number of jobs), but they didn’t hold places dear to my heart. I wasn’t worried about keeping those jobs.

Do careers even exist anymore? These days the average person works with one company for an average of two and a half years. The job market is always changing and researchers say that the jobs students are training for today won’t exist by the time they enter the work force. Just when you think you have made all the right choices you wake up to find that your chosen career path is obsolete.

The only foreseeable solution is to find something that will be in demand forever. People will always grow hair, people will always get sick, people will always need clothes, people will always need food, people will always need! You need to make decisions that will put you where the people are.

Life is filled with a series of decisions. While I can’t give you a definite way to answer them – what I can do, is suggest that you follow where the action is and do what works best for you.

Envisioning You!

Tom Cruise and I share a birthday. I am not trying to brag or anything. I always thought it was special to think that Tommy and I are born on the same day – while he celebrates, I celebrate.

Tom is an icon to a generation. Tom has spent dancing around in his underwear in Risky Business, he captivated audiences with his jet fighter prowess in Top Gun, and continues to awe us today as the center of numerous entertainment rumour mills. Tom is what we would call a Mega Star.

I am by no means a star. I am but a grain of sand in Tom’s world. Beyond sharing the same day of birth we have nothing else in common. I may have watched a few of his movies here and there, but he was never able to witness my performance in Footloose: The Musical and, at the same time, I never watched Cocktail. Tom exists in my world, but only as five grains of sand.

In my mind – I am the star. Is this confidence? Cockiness? Does this mean I have an attitude? I don’t think so. I think it’s perfectly healthy to hold yourself in high regard.

Growing up playing sports, I was always told to envision success. Before a game, I was to sit and think about all the positive things I was going to do on the field. As I grew older, this advice was reinforced, when I read a sports therapy book that talked about envisioning what you do at fast speeds. Their reasoning was that if you envisioned yourself doing things at a fast pace you would be able replicate those fast motions when you began playing. The constant envisioning created a belief in myself. The more I thought about success the more successful I became.

This “envisionment” (I will call it) has stuck with me my whole life. It has branched out from simple sports therapy and flowed into other aspects of my day-to-day. Oddly enough, my envisionment is often conjured by music. I’ll be listening to something and before I know it I am the singer, I am an actor, or I am the world’s best athlete. Am I living in a fantasy world?

I decided to do a little research and ask some close friends and family if they also “envisioned” themselves in the same light. I initially thought that most people were probably like me, but I quickly found out this wasn’t the case. Some people told me “no” outright, others said they only envisioned about one specific aspect of their life, while others said they were only able to envision themselves as the best if they were actually the best at it. When I asked if envisioning made them feel good they all replied with various answers – all ending in a “yes.”

Whether it’s self-taught or self-practiced “envisionment” feels good. I mean, I may not be a rock star, but what I do know is, when I open my eyes I feel pretty good and how we feel inside is reflected on the outside – it’s how the world sees you.

No Need to Worry

I must have checked my hair three times before I left my house this morning. I am not sure what my issue is. In my head I think to myself, “when people look at you they are going to focus on your face and hair – if you can make your hair look nice then you won’t have to worry about what people may be thinking about you.”

When I stopped and thought about it I realized it’s really silly. Think about it, most people are probably preoccupied with how they look/appear to really spend time thinking about me. Case and point, a couple of weeks ago I went to work without a belt. In all the hoopla of the morning I forgot to put a belt on and when I arrived at work I realized my blunder. I quickly closed my door and assessed the situation – will my pants fall down? No. Do I look bad? No. Can you tell I am not wearing a belt? Yes. Hrmmm – do I have a problem here? As I began to apologize to people throughout the day I was told that no one would have realized if I hadn’t mentioned it.

But, something interesting happened. Just as people finished saying they didn’t even notice about my belt they began to tell me about what they felt was off about them: mismatched socks, bad hair, un-ironed pants, broken glasses, botched make-up, etc. Did I notice any of these “blunders”? No.

I began to ask myself, “do people really spend much time thinking about me?”

So, my quest began. My boss probably doesn’t think about me as long as I do my job. My friends will always be there to support me and hang out, but they probably don’t spend much time thinking about me unless I give them a reason to. Loved ones probably think about me more than I realize, but most of the time they probably assume I am doing okay unless I indicate otherwise. Even the family pet probably doesn’t stop think about me as long as I continue to feed them and take them out to “do their business.”

We’ve all heard it before “we are often our toughest critics.” I was beginning to give up on searching for times when other people really worry about how you conduct your life when I heard a car honking behind me. The driver pulled up beside me, waved their arms around in the air, and sped up ahead of me on the road. What had I done? I wasn’t exactly sure what I did to upset this driver, but one thing was certain – I felt noticed!

When we drive on the road we often pick and prod everyone. We get upset when people drive slow, change lanes at the wrong time, when they don’t engage the intersection, when they don’t signal, or when they signal for no reason at all. We honk, we yell, we wave our arms, and we wonder where other drivers got their licenses.

On the road – we are always critiquing other drivers. It’s our cathartic release. We can never guess what will set someone else off, but, in a weird way, at least we are being acknowledged. So, the next time someone honks and waves at you - embrace their acknowledgement - smile and wave right back.

Coffee Culture

On December 16, 1773, after officials in Boston refused to return three shiploads of taxed tea to Britain, a group of colonists boarded the ships and destroyed the tea by throwing it into Boston Harbor. The incident remains an iconic event of American history, and with it came the birth of coffee in North America.

In Canada, coffee, and its consumption, is a culture all its own. When we wake up - we have a coffee. When we head to work – we’ll grab a coffee. At work – we’re definitely having coffee. If we go somewhere after work – grab a coffee! After dinner (I’m so full) – I’ll have a coffee.

I can only imagine what all this looks like to an outsider. So, when I came across a polite English woman (whom we’ll call Mary) I took it upon myself to ask her. “I tried coffee once,” she replied, “Tim Hortons. I don’t know what all the fuss is about.” I was taken back by her response. Tim Hortons, the pride of Canadian coffee, is disliked? Mary went on to say that coffee appeared to be some sort of security blanket – we always have one with us. In England, coffee isn’t the same.

So of course I chime in, “Oh I forgot! In England it’s all about tea time!” I quickly found out, such is not the case and without realizing it I was being very stereotypical. Mary explained that while she has fond memories of Tea Time with her Grandparents as a child – not everyone partakes in Tea Time. Mary went on to say, if she could find England’s equal to coffee it would have to be none other than its distant cousin beer.

Beer is the social drink of choice in England. In Canada, or more specifically the suburbs of Southern Ontario, we are bombarded with a small selection of restaurant chains. But, in England every neighbourhood has their own unique pub that people frequently visit. It isn’t uncommon to see all your friends at the local Public House having a pint with dinner.

This caused me to think about why coffee hasn’t taken over in England like it has in Canada. First of all, there is not really any extra land for developers to build drive-thrus for people to grab their coffee. Secondly, chains don’t exist like they do in Canada and if you wanted to open a coffee shop you would have to do so on your own accord (this can become quite costly very quickly). Finally, Mary explained to me that in England people usually drink coffee every so often as a sit down drink with a friend.

I can’t imagine a world without travel mugs, coffee cups or drive-thru windows. Coffee is an intrinsic part of Canadian culture and I can understand why it must seem very strange to new Canadians.

I keep thinking of the commercial where the husband is rushing to pack winter jackets and warm clothes in a bag before heading to the airport. Along the way he stops to grab a coffee – “what are you thinking?” I say to myself, “aren’t you late?” We realize near the end of the commercial that he was rushing to pick up his wife and two children who are coming to Canada for the first time. He walks up to his wife and before he can hug her, or give her a warm jacket, he says, “welcome to Canada” and hands her a coffee. Coffee, and its consumption, is a way of life in Canada.

In a Rush

When you absolutely need to get somewhere in a short period of time our brains go into overdrive. We begin to make decisions at a rapid pace: should I take the highway or the main road, should I race to beat that light, or can I squeeze in here? When the pressure is on, the answer we turn to most often is, “YES, YES, YES!”

How do we compensate for time? We take short cuts. We drive a little faster, change lanes more often, and honk our horns. We do things that inform other drivers on the road we are in a rush. But, does taking short cuts really work? Let’s create a series of events to check and see if “rushing” really does get us ahead.

It’s Tuesday morning, a very important day in some circles, and “oh my goodness” I’ve slept in. After the initial moment of absolute panic you begin to prioritize the things you need to do.

Forget brushing your teeth, taking a shower, eating breakfast, or having a cup of coffee. You’re in such a daze when you wake up that all you care about is the hair on top of your head. Also, thanks to the “Powers that Be” you were able to press your clothes and lay them out the previous night – that came in handy.

Before you know it, you’re running out of your house. Your heart is pounding, beads of sweat are pouring down your face, and your report is sitting on the kitchen counter. You pull out of your drive way, if you’re fortunate enough to own a motor vehicle, and pop a piece of gum into your mouth – “take that!” bad breath.

You’re on the road asking yourself, “why is everyone driving so slow!?” You begin the process of swerving in and out of traffic to try and get ahead. You’re driving 80 in a 60 zone and 100 in a 80 zone – 20 km above the speed limit never hurt anybody, right? WHY ARE ALL THE LIGHTS RED! On the days you’re hoping, wishing, NEEDING green lights you seem to hit every single red on your trip. Someone, Somewhere, is laughing at you…

Finally, you make it to work. You look at the clock – an hour late – not too shabby. You plop down at your desk only to realize you forgot your report, you look like hell, and your heart is beating faster than the Lead in River Dance – was it worth it?

When we are in a rush we cut corners, but what do we really achieve? Does rushing really get us ahead?

There are going to be times in life where we are going to ask ourselves, “should I be rushing?” Sometimes you answer “yes” and other times you will say “no”, but what’s the harm in taking your time?

Lets replay our sleeping-in scenario and see what differences would occur. You wake up, “OH CRAP!” I slept in. You go to the bathroom and do your morning “clean up.” Your clothes are ready for you, but coffee might be out of the question – you’re going to have to drink from the office pot. You grab your report and head out the door. Pulling out of the driveway you remember the voice of your first driving instructor and decide to drive to work as if it was any other day.

This is where I would like to make a specific point. On the days you are not late for work – do you ever notice the people who are? You can see them whizzing in and out of traffic and you think to yourself, “they’re crazy.” Do you ever notice that even though they are driving faster than you, you always seem to be right behind them at each stoplight? What if driving faster really doesn’t mean getting to your destination faster? What if it meant you got to each light faster, but still had to wait. What if driving at the suggested speed meant getting to your destination in the same time? (Just a thought)

So, you get to the office and maybe instead of being an hour late you’re actually an hour and a half late. What’s the big deal? You look good, smell good, you’re relaxed, and more importantly you can handle the presentation you have to make about the report you brought with you today. You aren’t one of those people who are habitually late – you can legitimately be late every once in a while. (Life is good)

Now, I have used the example of sleeping in for work, but if you stop to think about it we can transfer our “rushing” theorem into a number of facets in our lives. We stress and we stress – for what, an extra minute here or thirty minutes there? When the mind is in a state of panic we overload our frontal lobe and our ability to make good decisions falter. Life is in perpetual motion forward and our actions shape each moment. Do things on your own time.

What to Wear

I have never been the kind of person who worries about the clothes he wears. I mean, I understand the basics - no socks with sandals and how to match colours, but beyond those minor details I don’t really bother with clothes. I am the guy who wears his lucky plaid sweat pants and green Jamaica “No Problem Mon” t-shirt. I am the guy who owns three pairs of jeans and rotates accordingly. I am the guy who still has clothes from five years ago because technically they are still wearable. Shopping happens for me once a year – Christmas.

But, how do people become clothing savvy? Is it an innate skill born within us? Or, can it be acquired? If so, how? Is there a crash course we can take to catch up on the latest fashion trends? Is doing that even possible? I would argue that fashion trends evolve faster than electronics. That reason alone is why I decided to stay away from getting involved with haute couture.

But, something strange is happening. My fashion awareness is starting to gradually change. Maybe it’s because I am no longer a student in University, but rather a fully functioning adult member of society. All I know is that my feelings about clothes are starting to alter. Buying nice clothes… feels… well… nice. My eyes are finally adjusting to the mirror. I wake up each day and consciously think, “what should I wear today?” It’s really strange.

How do people go about maintaining their “freshness”? Does their style begin with a bigger wardrobe? Doesn’t that directly translate into spending more money? As much as I want to look nice I also need to be realistic and maintain a budget. I can’t go from shopping for clothes once a year to changing my wardrobe every three months.

When it comes to clothes is it quantity or quality? Or, is there something I am missing being a male? I mean, I have looked at quite a few feminine closets and, to put it simply, they usually out number what I own ten to one.

Or, is actually buying a new piece of clothing, regardless of whether or not you “need” it, part of the thrill? I like to buy books and sometimes I buy books faster than I can read them. Does that bother me? No. I can only imagine it’s the same for clothes. I can understand why sales are so important and where people go all Saturday when an outlet store has a “clearance”.

But, can a balance exist? Is there ever a point where a wardrobe is complete? Or, am I a naïve shopper thinking there will be a point where I won’t need new clothes? All I know is that this new awareness has opened my eyes to something else - my closet needs to be organized.

The Service Industry

If I owned a Multi-million dollar business I would initiate a business motto that states, “the customer is always right.” That should make for very few problems at the customer service counter. How could an employee get confused about the procedure? The customer walks up to the cash, tells you what kind of issue their having, the customer service representative looks at their handbook, “the customer is ALWAYS right”, and together the employee and the customer work to solve the problem. Both parties are happy. The customer gets exactly what they wanted and in the process my company has hopefully provided the type of service that breeds a loyal customer base.

Nothing kills a relationship between a company and their customers quicker than a dreadful shopping exchange. I use the word “exchange” because essentially that is exactly what is happening. I am interested in a product or service the company provides and in exchange I am willing to use the money I have earned in previous business exchanges to purchase said product or service.

So, what would my rant be without a story to support it? Two years ago I purchased a TV from a company that will remain nameless (just know they are a rather large company known for their electronics). I was looking for a bargain and I was able to find a no name 37-inch flat-screen TV that was in my price range. Just as I was about to pay for my new TV the Sales Rep. asked if I would be interested in buying long-term insurance. It was something I hadn’t thought about until he asked me and I began to wonder if it was worth it. For $159.99 I would be covered for four years and if anything were to happen to my TV I could bring it back to the store and exchange it for a working product. The deal was too good to be true and while the added fee was a little steep I decided to shell out the extra cash for some added security.

So, here we are in the present day and the TV works fine, but the converter is a different story altogether. One day I woke up and my converter would not turn on my TV. No problem! I would go to the store, buy some new batteries, and my converter would work again – problem solved. Unfortunately, this was not the case. I tried several sets of batteries and the convertor still wouldn’t turn on the TV. I opened the battery pack and noticed a small amount of rust on the coils that connect to my batteries and figured that must be the reason behind the malfunction. No problem round 2! I would take my handy dandy long-term insurance plan and get a new converter.

I decided to call the store ahead of time and ask what the process would be for exchanging product, but after several phone calls I was unable to coax anyone into picking up the phone. To avoid any problems I decided to bring in the TV, all the cords, and the converter incase they were required to make the exchange. I walked in through the front door and headed towards the TV section where I met a young man and told him about my problem. I was told to wait a moment while he walked away to find, what I presumed to be, the answer. After a couple of minutes he returned and informed me to contact the customer service phone-line and they would put me in touch with the people who would conduct a repair for me. A repair? Something was awry. I decided to try one more time and after about fifteen minutes of walking around their store I was finally able to speak with someone. I told them about my insurance and how the TV works fine, but the remote looks like it has some rust on the coils – PLEASE HOLD!

I don’t think there is anything worse then waiting on hold. After another five minutes the lady on the line came back on the line and informed me that the problem with my converter has nothing to do with the company because it is “cosmetic” and will not be covered by my insurance – I’m starting to get angry. So, maybe, I started to raise my voice a little with the poor girl on the phone – it’s really not her fault. But, what’s the point of buying a no hassle insurance plan if the defective exchange is a hassle? I hung up the phone and decided to go head hunting for managers. I must have looked like a snarling beast by the time I finally found someone, “where can I find a manager!?”

The manager asked what the problem was and I went through my whole story. Finally, I was told to stand in the customer service line and he would help me out – it was about time! When I got to the counter I told the young lady about my story and that her manager was willing to help me out. By this point my frustration was at "optimum capacity" I was ready to return anything I had ever purchased at this store and cut any ties I ever shared with them.

Then something amazing happened. A young man came out with two converters in his hands and asked me to pick the one I liked more. Could this be for real? I asked the glowing figure in front of me if either remote would work on my TV and he assured me they should - I was ecstatic. After roughly two hours of frustration my sanity was restored.

Reflecting on my experience I realized the whole exchange could have gone quite differently. But, for one reason or another it didn’t and it ended up turning into what I like to call “I get angry before anything gets solved business transaction model.” Why do I have to get completely frustrated and on the brink of taking out everyone in the store before my problems are solved? If you think about it, chances are a lot of people who experience problems, warranties or not, will probably never bother to make a return. Each time they do this the company profits from their problems – Profiting From Problem (PFP) is shameless business model.

The real money is in cooperation. Happy customers are even happier to give you their money again and again. I don’t want to have to jump through hoops and leap over hurdles to get what I am looking for. I want to spend my money in a world where the company knows my happiness leads to long-term loyalty.

Now, if you’ll excuse me. I have some TV to watch.

Hello? Operator?

When a phone rings something inside my head tells me to pick it up. I can’t quite explain it, but when a phone rings (regardless of what caller ID says) I want to grab at the receiver and say hello. When people call me – I want to talk to them. I actually get really excited when my phone rings and it’s a number I have never seen before. I often think, “Who could be calling me?”

It’s always the same story; I am sitting at home doing something important and right at the most critical point the phone rings. My house has been signed up for the do not call list, so of course, I pick up the phone and so it begins…

“Hello?”
“Is this Mr. Raposo?”
“Yes it is.”
“Hi Mr. Raposo this is blah blah blah from blah blah and I am calling today to offer you the chance of a lifetime. You see if you give us your money we’ll take said money and spend it on ridiculous things – like my salary.”

**Phone Beeps**

“Can you hold please? Hello?”
“Hi, is this Mr. Raposo?”
“Yes it is.”
“Hi Mr. Raposo this is glub glub glub calling from glub glub. I am calling today to offer you the chance of a lifetime. You see if you give us your money we’ll take said money and spend it on ridiculous things – like my salary.”
“I don’t mean to be rude” I say, “but I have blah blah from blah blah blah on the other line – can you hold?”

Needless to say I think people have tried putting blah blah and glub glub on hold before because when I went back and forth between the two lines both of them had hung up (but, what about my opportunity of a lifetime!?)

I find myself longing for the same excitement that came with answering the phone that I experienced when I was a young boy. Like the time I tried calling 555-5555 to get in touch with all those people I saw in the movies. Or as excited as one of my students who lights up when she sees the area code (604) because she knows it is from her hometown of Vancouver. Even that time the girl gave me the “you’ve been given a fake number” number was more exciting then current phone calls from these 17 digit numbers.

When a phone rings – I want to be able to pick it up. The more foreign the area code the better. But, I want to trust who calls me. I want the excitement of conversation and the exchanging of words from one mind to another. Who wants to live in a world where they don’t even bother to pick up their phone because they know it’s not worth their time?

Mind you the more I think about it – I may actually be interested in spending some money to receive the opportunity of a lifetime. Anyone have glub glub’s number?

Say It to Their Face

A while ago I was driving home with a friend when they said, “someone was talking about you today.” I instantly thought to myself, “Here we go again…” When a friend comes to you saying someone has been talking about you most people instantly assume that they are about to hear some sort of nasty story or rumor. To my surprise this wasn’t the case at all - my friend actually told me something nice that someone else had said about me. After we were done talking – I felt really good. So good in fact that I developed a new theory I like to call “Say it to their face.”

Whether we like to hear it or not negative things people say about us seem to make their way to our ears. We’ve heard it all before with comments ranging from our looks to our demeanor or attitude.

The amazing thing about this is that most of us have been on both sides of the fence. In many situations we may not be saying it directly to the persons face we may find ourselves commenting to a friend, “Who would wear that?” or “Can you believe they would do such a thing?”

On the surface it appears harmless, but what if the person found out? Would they be happy to know that you thought what they were wearing was ridiculous or that you think the way they act isn’t up to your standard?

We all know that sooner or later all the “bad” information seems to make its way back to the person it’s about. When you hear it – how does it make you feel? I can tell you from personal experience that it doesn’t feel good. You start feeling angry followed by a wealth of frustration and ending with a lowered sense of self-worth (to think it all began with someone saying something harmless to someone else).

The keyword here being “harmless” because when we make the comments we don’t think they are going to actually be heard by the person – we don’t want to intentionally hurt anyone’s feelings, but each time we say something harmful it could possibly happen.

What if we could take our “harmless” words and use them to do some good. As it currently stands, we often hear about the negative things people say about us, but how often do people share the good things with us? Sure, we do hear good things every once and while, but I would bet good money that the bad things we hear out numbers the good in 9 out of every 10 situations.

So, what’s stopping us? If our words are truly “harmless” wouldn’t it also be easy to say nice things to people? But, we often hold back. We’ll think it, but we won’t say it. Why is that? We know how good it feels to hear really nice things about us and we know it doesn’t take much to share our “harmless” words – so what’s holding us back?

As the band Sloan would say, “If it feels good, do it.” From this point forward I’m saying it to their face.